Are you an omnivore, a carnivore, pescatarian or vegetarian?

We will avoid the twisted subgroups of the above list people choose to consume. Also included in the omissions are all the insane varieties of self-torture, known as diet plans. That is too much brain damage on a lovely summer day.

Even though our society becomes more and more fractured, people’s eating habits tend to fall into the four groups mentioned above. Of course, some people refuse to accept labels, even when it comes to their eating habits or choices. However, those contrarians make life stimulating.

The National Geographic encyclopedia defines a carnivore as “an organism that mostly eats meat or the flesh of animals.” As you know, carnivores are also known as predators because they hunt their prey.

Sometime down the evolutionary path, our friend, Ugg, the caveman, not only hunted prey but eventually tasted the green things outside his cave. The combination of greenery, we now refer to as vegetables, and the meat the cave fellow hunted provided a well-balanced meal. Technically, that made him an omnivore — a person who eats both plants and animals.

Did his eating choices make Ugg an inclusive fellow? Since no one was around to interview him, we could assume he was a politically correct kind of guy. Maybe?

Your humble writer is a cross between a vegetarian and a pescatarian. She loves most seafood, with an occasional mermaid or merman tossed in for variety. Just kidding.

For example, following college graduation, the father of one of this lady’s friends took them to the best steakhouse in the city. Everyone ordered various cuts of steak, but not your little writer. She ordered shrimp. Some gave her the stink-eye, as in you must be crazy not to choose a steak.

When our daughter was around four or five years old, we visited one of her aunts, who invited our family to stay for dinner. Part of the meal the aunt prepared included T-bone steaks for everyone.

“Don’t give the child such a big cut of meat,” her mother told the aunt. “She will never be able to eat it all.”

Two T-bone steaks later, the youngling proved her mother wrong. Since then, we sometimes refer to our female child as T-Rex, especially around mealtime. To this day, that girl is a carnivore through and through. Although nowadays she eats chicken because that is a healthier type of meat.

We cannot speak for the chickens she consumes, but at our farm, the chickens do not lift weights or workout in any way. Those cluckers divide their time between eating, laying eggs, and being chased around the yard by the roosters.

This lady rarely eats steak or meat of any kind. However, she does, on occasion, indulge in German sausages or jalapeno stuffed sausages.

She prefers her steak well done. If there is even a hint of pink or the meat on her plate swims in blood, it needs more cooking.

While vacationing with her youngest brother in Taos, New Mexico, they went to a restaurant near their hotel. The waitress waxed poetic about their New York Strip. (Please note, your writer did not glance around the restaurant looking for the pole dancers. Nor did she display her ignorance by stating she thought all strip places were pretty much the same.)

Succumbing to the persuasive waitress’s description, brother and sister ordered the steaks, medium. What arrived resembled a blood bath on a plate. The barely cooked meat turned this lady’s stomach. But her brother smacked his lips after the first bite. His sister swallowed the urge to purge and shoved her plate across the table to him.

The same thing happened at various convention dinners. One such meal featured a crown roast. This lady admits the presentation was superb, but the blood on her plate curbed her appetite. She enjoyed her meal of buttered dinner rolls while her dinner companion happily consumed two crown roasts.

Pepper in “Cowboy Way” ordered a steak: “Oh, just knock its horns off, wipe its nasty ass, and chunk it right here on this plate.”

Not bloody likely.

ELIZABETH COWAN is an author of romantic suspense novels and humor books, which are available at amazon.com. Visit elizabethcowan.com to learn more.

Elizabeth “Liz” Cowan is a freelance writer and author. Check out her suspense novels on amazon.com. Website: www.elizabethcowan.com.

Load comments