Do you suffer from hoof in mouth issues? No, we are not talking about the disease cows get. We are talking about things people say that just do not come out the way they intend. The idea and execution often do not match.
Of course, we all know people born with a faulty switch between their brains and their lips. This malady can be a source of embarrassment for the speaker. And yet, more often than not, such folks provide unexpected entertainment for those around them.
The “normally wired” folks manage to communicate without the problem of misspeaking, but the “faulty” ones provide more entertainment because of the unexpected and unintended things that fly from between their lips. Similar to the giant slugs spewing from Ron Weasely’s mouth after yet another spell has gone wrong.
The errors vary from minor to major drink-snorted-through-the-nose funny. How about a few examples to set the scene?
Hubby often referred to his wife as a hot Hungarian. So, when he had a hernia operation, her desire did not diminish. But she wanted to be sensitive to the situation. Since she believed in honesty and communication, the wife decided to make things easier for him.
Guys, imagine you are Hubby on a bright Texas morning a few days following hernia surgery. Your wife greets you with your morning kiss, your breakfast, and a fresh cup of coffee and says, “Honey, I’ve been thinking. You know I love you. So, please let me know when you feel well enough to get back to romping between the sheets.”
Hot coffee spewed everywhere. “Let you know?” Hubby sputtered.
“Yes. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or come across super needy,” the wife replied with another kiss and a smile.
Those enamored with Greek mythology are more than likely familiar with the works of Edith Hamilton. In a recent conversation on mythology, this writer referred to Ms. Hamilton as Margaret Hamilton. Her conversation companion stopped her and asked, “Who did you say?”
When this lady realized her mistake, she burst out laughing. Imagine her embarrassment. Edith Hamilton was an American educator who defines Greek mythology. Margaret Hamilton was the actress best known for her portrayal of the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz.
However, they did have a couple of things in common. There were several years when their lives overlapped. Margaret Hamilton 1902–1985 and Edith Hamilton 1867-1963. And the two women resembled one another in the area of feminine pulchritude, as in the lack thereof.
During the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving through Christmas and the New Year, generational conversations abound. At some point during a family visit, someone manages to bring up this lady’s ineptitude with computers, cell phones and just about anything mechanical. This Thanksgiving was no exception.
Gathered around the giant island in the Funny Farm kitchen, we discuss possible Christmas gifts. The new addition to the family, our daughter’s fiancé, listened for a while then muttered, “I was going to get your Mom a Rumba to clean her floors, but she probably won’t be able to figure out how to use it.” (Insert laugh track.)
If you want to feel like an alien from another planet, try a conversation about music with teenagers or college students.
Our older granddaughter likes the music of the group Fallout Boy. The younger Grand had on a One Direction T-shirt, and this ignorant author asked, “Is that like the Wet Street Boys?” (Insert a collective “What!”)
It turns out, the grandmother confused Fallout Boy and Backstreet Boys and created a new group.
Moving along with the conversation, one of the Grands mentioned an upcoming concert by Jon Stork. “Does he deliver babies?” asked the snarky grandmother.
After a few beats, the engaged couple caught on, but the older Grand looked puzzled.
“You know. Storks deliver babies,” granny explained.
For once, it was a youngster who felt embarrassed.